While fondling some apples...

It's always a good idea to look semi-decent when heading out of your house or apartment cause you just never know who you may run into. After a long morning, and sheer exhaustion, I rolled off the bed and decided to make my Saturday supermarket stop. Since I had gotten a good soaking this morning in the mid-morning downpour, and my Saturday jeans were wet, I opted for a simple black maxi dress with simple silver accessories. No makeup, save some Clinique mascara on the eyelashes (I cannot imagine life without a dab of mascara!) and pulled my new shorter hair into a quick bun.

So I am in the meat section first, and I am cursing under my breath that beady eyed housewives have already come in and taken all the packs of pre-cut, pre-seasoned chicken, and one of the meat boys approaches me. Now there seems to be some kinda meat boy alliance because every time I visit this supermarket, there is always a meat boy hanging around gawking. Today's meat boy came up to me and said

Miss, if I weren't married, I would ask you out. This is the fourth time I have seen you in here and you always look good.

Okay. So it was confirmed. The meat section staff are stalking me. But I told him thanks cause hey...I never refuse a (non-scuzzy) compliment. The meat boy was not trying to be gross. He just wanted to tell me that, and he was on his way. So, no rolling of eyes.

Two minutes later, I was fondling some apples in the fresh produce section and as I looked up, I saw my ex. God. He looked as nashy as ever, and thanks to meat boy's confirmation, I knew I was not. I mean, no woman wants to be looking like an old sneaker when she runs into an ex. And if the chances of you running into him are high, then think twice about running down to your grocery with a do-rag on your head, please! You never want the man to inflate his ego and say to himself - I am the reason she is looking like mess. She just never got over me.

Puh-lease!

I waited patiently for him to look up from the chocolate cookies he was contemplating and feast his eyes on the chocolate vision in the fruit section - the chocolate he could have been having if he weren't such an ass. When he did eventually look up, and he saw me, I saw the look of surprise, then shame, then fear, then retreat. I think he's still scared of my reaction to him, which is a potent combo of hatred, disgust and revulsion and worst of all, indifference. But I just rolled my eyes, which in itself is a telling sign that you mean nothing to me and moved on. I caught him breaking his neck to check me out, as I fondled some Crix in the snack section, and smiled to myself cause it was confirmed....I am da bomb! Poor fella...hope he can sleep tonight. I know it might be hard to reconcile that he is indeed an ass and now is limited to stealing glances at me in the supermarket, but God is good and will see him through. lol.

But I am quickly coming to terms with the fact that supermarkets, and specifically MY supermarket, is the new hotspot for romance or stalkers. There was the expat stalker 3 weeks ago, the meat boy conglomerate, the weirdo security guard, and the random men on any given weekend. Makes selecting food for the week a non-boring affair.

But if you are so inclined to use your neighbourhood Hi-Lo as your checkout point for romance, here are some "expert" tips.


Photo credit: Hi-Lo Foodstores