Nude Beach Memories

Orient Beach, St Martin
Photo credit: AOL Travel
Yesterday I found the list of the best nude beaches in the Caribbean and the first one that came up was Orient Beach in St Martin - a beach I am very familiar with. I spent a week or so in beautiful St Maarten/St Martin. Great shopping on the Dutch side, and great single girl adventures on the French side. Gotta love the French! My trip to St Martin was da bomb - French people, French guys, and that nude beach.

My girlfriend and I had made it a girls' trip and I had researched all the stuff I wanted to do, including parasailing and visiting this nude beach. You only live once! The parasailing was awesome and I met a cute French fella, who asked me to go out with him later that evening. Needless to say, that did not end well as my cute French vacation hottie was a hot mess at the party, totally stoned on marijuana and trying to get me to follow him and his 3 dreadlocked friends into some van in the carpark. Yeah, buddy. I must have had the "Idiot Here" sign on my forehead. You clearly were too high if you thought that was going to happen.

Chilling out in the nude
Photo credit: Wikinut
The other highlight of the day was this nude beach, or more accurately, clothing optional beach. I had never been on a nude beach before and though I had mentally (and physically) prepared myself for this phenomenon, I still was nowhere ready for what awaited me.

Why is it that all the so-called beautiful people don't go to these places and somehow it's all the Golden Girls and their equally wrinkled husbands. To say this was an enlightening experience would be an understatement. You don't see many nude scenes in movies featuring your grandmum, do you, cause that was kinda what it was like.

I went to the bar (clothed, mind you) to get two mojitos and there was a guy - maybe in his early 60s, sitting in the buff on the stool, with his stuff hanging out. And the stuff was not great looking either. Kinda looked like those sausages in yesterday's post. He then proceeds to seriously chat me up. Really buddy? I am like a million years younger than you and you're sitting with your 60-something year old stuff laying limp on the  stool. It also reminded me not to sit on any of the other stools while waiting for my order especially as every single person at the bar was naked and sweaty. (blech)

The women - saggy, wrinkly boobs everywhere, and equally saggy, wrinkly derrieres. But guess what? I salute their confidence and their "I don't give a hoot who does not like it" attitude. I really think it was pretty darn awesome. Not for my eyes, but awesome nonetheless. Being comfortable with your body, no matter what it looks like, is a truly remarkable thing. So many people starve themselves, go through periods of self loathing and yet others throw off their speedos and bikini tops and just go for gold. That's hot. Again, not always for my eyes, but it's great that they don't feel restricted.

But I would still definitely recommend a nude beach to anyone. It is great fun. You have to do it, if even once! Did I go nude? Not completely. Being one of maybe 5 black people on the beach made me an attraction as it was. Every time I moved a limb, eyes turned on me. I did not need to completely break the thermometer with my hotness.

Check out the Nude Beach Etiquette Guide. lol.

18 comments:

  1. BWUAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! OMG, girl... your description of this man and his uhm, limp you-know-what just hanging out on the stool nearly had me fall out of my chair. Why is that?! I went to a nude beach once (I don't think it was in St. Martin though it was def somewhere in the Carib) and I remember there was an old man standing at mast, almost welcoming people to come and join him. He seemed to be swaying his junk in direction of the ocean to lure visitors in. Uhhh, thanks?!

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  2. LOL. Seeing it was not so funny though. I needed a few mojitos after that vision. I cannot begin to imagine what you saw though. OMG. lol.

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  3. LOL you are hilarious! I love it! Good for you for giving it a shot. I think I would too. And I love didn't want to break the thermometer with my hotness! You go girl!

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  4. Kinda reminds me of Hedonism in Jamaica. Somehow these old farts are bursting with self confidence. I guess at their age they don't give a sh&*! You turn out being the embarrased one in the interaction when you're trying to avoid looking at the obvious and they are asking about the weather.
    what about people who get naked in changing rooms? Ugg, they so disturb me! Yes we are all females but they have rooms for heaven's sake! Recently had a mom take it all off right in front of me and there were a gazillion free change rooms-one of which her teenage daughter was utilizing. I had to stare at the floor the entire time, I was so embarrased!

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  5. OMG. When I went to Brighton the other day, two girls got naked right there in the ladies' room cause the stalls were all occupied. They were changing into their swimsuits and just stood there, naked to the world, talking about tv or whatever. Then when I used to use the company gym at one of my old workplaces, the same thing...women would just be naked as ever and talking to you as though it is a normal thing. I found it odd to see that and then a couple hours later have to come to your desk to ask for something work-related.

    At least with the nude beach, you know what you gonna get! lol.

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  6. LOL.. what a funny post! this was in my referral links and was wondering what "nude article" i had committed on! I have never been to a nude beach, But if I do I will research to make sure the average beach goers age is 30ish. LOL

    xoxo - E

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  7. Very odd. I am not seeing Sarah's comment which I just approved. Sarah...where did it go??

    Liz, I fully support that move. Please do due diligence and ensure the beach has some eyecandy lol.

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  8. You are SO FUNNY! I could NEVER go nude at a beach.

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  9. thanks for stopping by! the medical school is on the dutch side in cupecoy by the atlantis casino if you know where that is!

    LOL orient bay...old, gross wrinkly bums! you really do have to love the confidence! there are a lof of attractive, naked men on the beach by my house...but...my beach is the gay beach!

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  10. That video is so funny! And you are brave! I don't think I could brave a nude beach!

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  11. Yeah, I'm not confident enough for a nude beach. But kudos to them, for sure!

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  12. I stumbled upon a nudist colony one time and you're right it's a bunch of old people strutting around, it really freaked me out, ha!

    I personally love going topless, but bottomless on a beach is just wrong in my opinion. ;)

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  13. Didn't you know there's a "no attractive people allowed" rule at nude beaches? That's like inviting Patti LaBelle to a karaoke! It's just not fair, girl!

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  14. I've heard that nude beaches tend to be a lot of old people. How sad :(
    Happy SITS day!!

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  15. Very funny post! I guess it's more about feeling free than having a body that is a work of art. Loved the video. Take care.

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  16. This is so funny. We (sisters who share a blog)did a nude race at a nudist ranch just for the sake of being able to say we did it. The majority of the people there were overweight and/or old...it was quite an experience :)

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  17. Oh man, thanks for sharing! This has inspired me to write up my experience on a nude beach... I promise to link to your post when I do!

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