Dating and the Allure of the High Heeled Woman

Apparently for men, this is a huge NO-NO
A couple weeks ago, I posted an entry about a poor, young woman who was made the butt of jokes and embarassment at a public event. I commented that her aesthetic was probably not the best for the audience in question. The aesthetic being a frumpy dress and ballet shoes. While, as a woman, I have no problem with her mode of dress, the audience at hand comprised entirely of MEN. This led to comments about ballet shoes and the apparent unsexiness of them.

In re-reading salient parts of Steve Harvey's "Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man" tonight, I felt the need to share another man's perspective on the age-old question - Flats or Heels?

Men like the sex appeal of high heels

Heels, baby. Heels. If we could get athletic shoes with heels for women, we would. It’s just a really sexy thing to us. I don’t know a single man who prefers women in flats; I’ve never run into one. We all think heels make your legs more beautiful, they make your walk more feminine— and you, too. And that’s what we're attracted to.
A friend also commented that she was told, by a man, that any woman currently on the market for a man should never wear flats.

Who would have thought that the man hunt came down to footwear?

One reason for this phenomenon, according to the Daily Mail:


...high heels force the back to arch, pushing the bosom forward and the buttocks rearward, thus accentuating the female form.


They also elongate the legs and add height to the female form - a turn-on apparently.

Now, some may call this shallow but these are not my views. These are the views apparently of some men. Personally, I love flip flops and the comfort of them, as much as I love heels. Still, it is a rare day (and mostly a London day), that I would wear flats to a so-called "man-hunt" location, i.e. a club, wedding (lol), cocktail party etc. Wearing a sexy outfit and flats is not cute. However, wearing sexy heels and running for the train, tube and nigh tbus is not cute either.

Beauty over pain?
I started life in London, doing the hobble - i.e. wearing heels out, to look hot. But hobbling to the bus stop after a night standing in a club, and then hobbling across 3 streets to my house in these heels, with Mr Fox glaring at me from the shadows, is not fun. At all. So at my last club outing - flats! And I was a happier party goer. It also helped that I was not on the man-hunt as I was out with someone who really did not care. But men care and women seem to care that men care. And if now men are advocating that single women wear heels to attract a man, do you care? Should I care?

So my thing is this - I love heels. Ummm...have you seeeeeen the title of this blog. But I am also practical. I do not own a car here in London which makes heel-wearing a real problem. I have seen many women doing the hobble here in skyscraper heels. The look seems to be more important than comfort. Now adding the whole other dimension of attracting a man via heels - why does all this pressure have to be on the woman? What level of discomfort should we band together to now apply to men?? Speak!

25 comments:

  1. This is a tough one! I love heels but really they are so impracticable and not worth the pain most of the time. These days I'm less inclined to wear them because of comments from many of my male friends that said "You know we don't notice your shoes, unless of course you complain about the pain which you always end up doing!" haha funny comment! So while I've been discouraged against wearing them most of the time, like whenever I'm likely to have to stroll for twenty minutes between bars! It's still nice to slip them on for a special night out with the girls, if they'll suffer I'll suffer! :)

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  2. Isn't it more attractive to be happy and pain-free than hobbling around?? Or maybe it's the physical vulnerability high heels give that's also alluring? Personally, I go the Alexa Chung route of quirky flats and a short skirt .. I like the 'not trying too hard' look :D

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  3. It is a tricky one. I love heels - but what if you're on a date with a guy that's not so tall? Are they included inthe 'all men prefer heels' thing??

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  4. I think I am the wrong person to answer this question. I have been wearing heels since I was about 11 or 12. I actually prefer them to flats, mainly because I am extremely flat-footed, and flats tend to hurt my flat feet. I will say, however, that I personally feel sexier in heels when it comes to certain outfits, but that's a personal choice. At the end of the day, I dress for me. I wear what I am comfortable in, and not what I think someone would prefer me to wear. i say all of this to say whether you are wearing heels or flip flops, wear whatever makes you comfortable and happy.

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  5. I love heels too! But, I'm 5'9" so there's a huge sub-set of men out there who'd rather see me in flats (including my boyfriend who's only 1 inch taller than me).

    I offer a compromise: Kitten heels.

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  6. I also love my heels and when the occasion calls for male attention, I wear them. I don't really care how badly my feet are going to hurt by the end of the night.

    And guys may not notice the shoes themselves, but they notice what the shoes do. Sometimes they even notice the shoes. I met this man who was about my height. With my heels I towered over him by a good four inches. I took my shoes off. He said to put them back on. He liked them and the fact that they made me taller. Go figure. :P

    I have been known however to carry a pair of flip flops or ballet slippers to change into after the heels...you know, for that run to the tube. :)

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  7. I'll go out there an say I love a woman in heels. If she can wear them. If you limp in them, no. If you complain in them, no.

    I guess it all boils down to understanding what is practical and what works for you. If you are going to wear heels make sure you rock them otherwise you look like an idiot that wasn't prepared.

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  8. I love heels, but always Gond myself in flip flops. I'll buy a pair of shoes soooo slick, and then....wear them once. SMH

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  9. Funny, I started wearing heels for work, and now I love em! But I only choose comfy and cute ones, no leg killers or back busters. But I'm pro giving men some unpleasant grooming to live up to, so, maybe butt bras? With underwire, of course.

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  10. I've always wanted to be the girl who wears heels all the time, but I've started to realize that torturing myself is not smart. They're bad for your knees and your back, they deform your feet... Now I save them for the special occasions or when I really want to make an impression! It's not worth it, ladies...

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  11. I wear heels to events or for date nights. But day-to-day, I'm in flip flops or wedges. Or *gasp* ballet flats.

    If I'm dressed up, though, I'm always in a heel. Even my snow boat have a wedge heel!

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  12. Great post. I used to wear heels frequently but I got tired of sore feet and wearing 28 band aids. Not attractive. Plus, I'm already pretty tall...add 4" and I'm as tall as the average guy, if not taller. So, I prefer to wear flats so that I don't tower over the guy. But I do miss how heels make me feel because if you feel sexy, most of the times, you are sexy.

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  13. HEELS! i'd wear them a lot more if island life didn't make them the most impractical choice of footwear ever. if i want to look sexy, only heels will do. :)

    :( about being homesick. the bean didn't get to go to the westin. poor thing! :(

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  14. I love this post because it's something I've definitely heard from MANY of the men (both friends and boyfriends) in my life over the years. And it appears that bottom line is: men prefer the heels always. Because of all the reasons you state above. And I understand that when I wear a cute dress, a pair of heels is the cherry on the sundae (or whatever that dumb expression is) but there is NO WAY I'm walking 2 miles around Manhattan in heels (that's about as much walking as I do every day to get transportation to my job in the city). Nu uh.

    But what's so unsexy about a cute pair of flats? I have several that I totally dress up but it seems the only compliments I get are from women. Hmph.

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  15. Good thing I'm not on the man-hunt then. I can't wear heels due to my othopedics!!

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  16. So much Freudian analysis of footwear....interesting and funny - but so true. What man doesn't love high heels? What woman doesn't enjoy a man appreciating her appearance? I vote for both too. I agree with Jennee's comment - when we feel sexy - we are are sexy.

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  17. Great article - visiting you from SITS - nice to find your lovely blog! :)

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  18. I love the look of heels, but you're right...they're not practical all the time. I'm tempted to buy some of Stacey London's Dr. Scholl's inserts to see if they really make heels more comfy.

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  19. Heels are just more comfortable for me personally. But there are days that I love my flip flops too....

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  20. Funny.
    I just bought my first pair of 5-inch stilettos last Saturday, the first time in two years, since I had the baby. I've got loads of flats, though!

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  21. Ooops ... I'm a tennis shoe gal. :) Actually I don't mind heels, but my feet and back do. So I guess they only get worn for special occasions.

    Enjoy your SITS day! :)

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  22. I love heels and flip-flops equally. It depends on what I'm doing.

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  23. Love heels, love flats, just depends on the occasion; however I also know that heels do re proportion my body and it makes me feel more attractive. Then add in the look of the heel and it's a done deal. Heels mostly, but in my real life everyday, flats and flip flops...oh and house slippers;)

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  24. Love heels, love flats. Real life + flats, flip flops and house slippers, but fun life, night life and work life + mostly heels. While I get older, the heels may get slightly lower, or need to be adjusted due to street texture..I love them for the way they make me feel, stand, walk and then 5 hours later...I take them off and put on my flip flops:)

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  25. Well, as a guy, I find heels to be incredibly sexy.
    I don't think a woman should be wearing them all the time due to the obvious discomfort and flats are more than cool for everyday wear.

    But when it comes to a night on the town, women have often said to me that they love their heels and making themselves look good and sexy for their man.

    Opinions may differ :)

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