I remember saying once, If I ever get to the point in my life where I need to buy and ultimately wear Spanx, I will shoot myself.
Pass me the gun!
I walked into the lingerie store yesterday and there I was - in the control undies section. I could hardly believe it myself. What a nightmare. I now understand the pain of the corset wearing ladies back in the day.
The sales girl was happy enough to show me all the various versions of this thing, while trying to be part of a fake sisterhood.
Oh yes. I have a pair of these. These are good.
She said this with a straight face as I did an internal eye roll because this heifer was as fat as a spaghetti stick with no obvious signs of lumps or bumps. Lady, gimme a break!
There was one brand of torture wear - it has to be torture to yank yourself into these contraptions, and risk fainting after an hour of having your guts compressed to their breaking point - called Body Wrap. The thing looked like mummification of the living. I could not understand how anyone could feel comfortable in that. Lingerie sessions are usually fun and sexy but this one was rather gloomy. On top of it all, these predators are making a killing off fat people. These things are not cheap. I mean, wow...I have to pay through my nose for your product to literally suck the air out of me?
I put Body Wrap, Spanx, Maidenform and all the other sick brands back on their racks and walked out the store in total denial, and without making a purchase. I have somehow convinced myself that in 6 days I can somehow miraculously transform my body from Michelin tyre dude to Heidi "The Body" Klum and can tell Spanx et al to bite me. I say this after confidently and unabashedly eating 2 chocolate chunk muffins and having a couple vodka spritzers today, not to mention the roti lunch. Lovely.
In reality, I will most likely be back in the store on Saturday morning to get me something so that my ass does not look like a satellite at my event that night. It does however give me yet another wake up call that I need to get myself back in gear with the workouts and also quit snacking. Seriously.