Hamster Beauty

I looked on tonight as a female hamster sat in the cold, at the bus stop, putting on a full face of makeup. I am not sure what she was trying to accomplish exactly with her little makeup bag, under a streetlight. Streetlight illumination can never be flattering. I looked on as she carefully applied powder, eyeshadow, blush, mascara and a most ghastly lipstick, which to me seemed pointless cause her hair was a hot mess, not to mention the outfit. But this is just another part of London hamster life apparently. I have seen it many times on the train in the morning, but this was my first evening/bus stop hamster-makeup sighting.

I mean, everyone rushes around as though their very existence depended on it, and the sad thing is, it probably does depend on it. As I walked to my platform 2 days ago, with my cup of coffee, a male hamster rushed past me and almost knocked over my mochaccino. You better believe if he had knocked over my morning salvation, and if I had to chase after him, knock him to the ground and make him fork over my 2 quid, he was going to buy me another coffee.

But hamster beauty is something else. The only thing I have not seen is a blowdryer, but the sunken eyes come onto the train, with full resurrection kit aka the makeup bag, and they pray they get a seat and don't have to stand with some of the other unfortunate hamsters. Once seated, they apply products ranging from Boots to M.A.C to dull skin and eyes. They also stand at the platform while they wait for the train with purse draped over one arm and makeup bag at the top of said purse, and they busily apply concealer and the like before the train gets there. I refuse to do hamster beauty. Jostling onto a crowded train with a makeup bag, and then risking digging out my eye with the eyeliner or mascara wand, is not my idea of diva behaviour. Sitting on a dirty bus stop bench, most likely after touching nasty, germy seats, handlebars and railings and then using those same hands to apply stuff to my face is just nasty. Brushing wet hair so droplets of water from my shower splash on others is discourteous. My advice to the hamster women out there: Lay off the pints the night before and set the alarm to wake you up an half hour earlier in the morning. It works!