Leaving on a Jet Plane - The Runny Mascara-free version

Tequila!
I have been just awful with my blog and Twitter and all the stuff that helped me stave off insanity while I was still officially a student. But you see, I have my life back and I can do things I enjoy doing without guilt or regret - like going out, watching movies, having drinks, reading books. It's wonderful. So forgive me for being very absent. Absent online. Very alive offline!

Well, my time here in London is also drawing to a rapid close (2 more weeks, though I have not booked a flight yet, so you neverrrrrrrrrr know) and I will admit, it terrifies me a bit.

On the one hand, I am happy to be going back to regular blue skies and sunshine. My skin has taken a real beating in this dry, cold weather. I slather on copious amounts of shea butter lotions every day to avoid looking dry and (n)ashy, not to mention scratchy, and maintain the "mmm...mmmm" goodness that is my chocolatey body. lol. On a serious note, I am happy to be seeing my family, as crazy as they make me sometimes, and my nephew especially cause I have already missed almost a year of his life. My friends - yes, everyone keeps emailing me about how much they miss me and want to see me etc. I have a job to go back to - which puts me in a much better position than most people who have to go back home after a year away.

On the other hand, and I have not said this out loud to many people, there are also reasons I am not too excited about the prospect of going home either, some of which I would be wise to not discuss in any detail here, for real real life/offline life reasons. On a lighter note, one of my friends sent me an email on Friday saying he did not want me to stay here, and would prefer me back home. My reply was "It is funny how everyone wants me home to see me, but when I am there, noone makes the effort". I got no response. lol. But when I wrote this post, it pretty much summed up what I meant by that comment.
Now my girlfriends had husbands and babies and somehow, despite our best efforts, we just did not do things together anymore that often - not even sister neutral things - things both the wives/mummies and the unencumbered single friend could do and enjoy. 
While I go about life on my own beat, not really dependent on anyone really, it's been nice to have people do things with again. I think hearing my own voice over and over while doing hours and hours of transcription reminded me that I sometimes need to be around and enjoy life with other people. Leaving behind the people I have become close to here will be tough. There are a few who have made being here worthwhile and for whom I would probably endure a winter for, and as you know, I HATE winter. That's one of the hardest parts - the people part. I have spent the weekend with some of my favourite people here and I would like to believe that the separation anxiety will be on both sides. I will truly truly miss these people.

No matter what life brings you, the people you meet always leave the greatest impact. And after countless adventures and disasters, I have managed to meet awesomeness. It's kinda hard to leave awesome behind.

Professionally, I can learn a lot here, but one would need to actually get a job wouldn't you? That's the tricky bit. Complications of visa, money,blah blah blah. Don't want to get into the blah blah blahs.

There is a certain independence I have in Trinidad, for sure - including private transportation. Big deal, people, and I say this after another night of running to get the bus to avoid a 30-45min wait in the cold. I really want to reiterate how much I hate public transportation. lol. But there is also an independence and greater courage I have honed while being here. It has been good in that I have learnt a lot more about myself - I have been thrust into a much bigger world than I was accustomed to and really had to dig deep to discover who I am, how deep my strength ran, how completely fabulous and amazing I am. I can tell you typing this is making me well up a bit but I am truly grateful for the experience. I have had a great many adventures here in ole Blighty and what does the future hold? Hopefully even more amazing new experiences.

I wholly believe that when life gives you lemons, you get some salt and some tequila and take a shot - and make the most of it. And so I will.

And, to cope with the separation anxiety and small island stagnation, when life, or the embassy, gives you a visa, you go to Miami for some much needed retail therapy...just to ease one's way back into it, you understand. Baby steps. lol.

15 comments:

  1. Trininista although I was not able to meet you in the flesh I will miss you! I hope you still continue your fabulous blog and enjoy all that Trinidad has to offer you. Who knows, in the future you may come back and join us in Ole Blighty but wherever you go I know you will be AMAZING.

    Good luck for the future!

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  2. oh I like that! If life gives you lemons get some salt and tequila and take a shot!

    I've only recently discovered your blog but I've enjoyed it and hope you continue to post when you get home :)

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  3. Good heavens, lady, I will sorely miss you - and am SO excited by the prospect of meeting you In Real Life this week (fingers and toes crossed).

    I understand your decision to return home, but thank you so much for having been here!!

    xx

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  4. "It is funny how everyone wants me home to see me, but when I am there, noone makes the effort"

    That is a problem around the world. It seems that we all want friends as long as we can have them on our own terms. We want them to come to us, call us, text us in essence making ourselves feel more valuable

    We also have been discouraged enough by our own efforts that provide little fruit that we've given up putting forth any more effort. I know the Queen and I feel that way quite often.

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  5. Excuse me...I do not want friends on my own terms. That would be almost impossible anyway, unless I only knew mindless, spineless men and women.

    Sewtired - looking forward to it, honey. Thanks, Ms Hatch. I hope to keep up the blogging at home as well.

    CP - We will meet one way or another honey! :-)

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  6. Ah, the fun of life's transitions. I'm so excited for you though, as I know a spirit like yours will certainly encounter great things. AND I love that you've not yet bought the plane ticket. Keep 'em guessing!

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  7. Good luck! I know what you mean about "effort"-- I've lived away from home for about 15 years. When I go back, having traveled for days sometimes, it seems everyone wants me to come to them, instead of them coming to me-- the way it should be!

    Maybe things will be different this time around!

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  8. I guess what I meant was in a lot of cases, in order for us to meet and do stuff, I would have to suggest something and make the plans. This is fine...I don't mind, but even after that, sometimes meeting up just never happens. Life happens. And life is supposed to happen with jobs and kids and school and the like. Sometimes though you want a little bit of life to be about other things. Or at least that is how I try to live my life. I have just come to realise that many others do not live life in the same way and I have come to accept this after a long time.

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  9. What I hope is that you will keep blogging cos I am not worried about you, you will have tequilla shots anywhere in this world!

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  10. OH that is rough. It's so bitter sweet, going home but leaving behind people that you've grown to adore. You have to wonder what new adventure life is going to present to you next though. And public transportation? A necessary evil.

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  11. Avi another post that echoes my feelings. this week I had a long walk in central london and felt it is holding me back. But yes the same visa, money, job issues will make me go back and focus on my career. Will look forward to read ur Trini experiences, and hopefully meet you for graduation ceremony

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  12. I love this: I wholly believe that when life gives you lemons, you get some salt and some tequila and take a shot - and make the most of it.

    May I steal it?

    I've moved around a lot in my life, though within the U.S. Each experience has given me something unique to take with me to the next. Now that I am "settled", I am grateful I took that time to travel and try different things and take scary risks. I feel more confident in my decisions now having those experiences.

    Good luck with whatever you choose!

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  13. Sounds like you are facing quite a transition period. That is always a bit unsettling. And yes, some friends enter your life for just a season. Maybe to get you over a hump, maybe to teach you something, or maybe, just maybe to let you have a lot of fun!

    Good luck with whatever comes next!

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  14. What a great point of view for you to have! Change is GOOD! Sometimes going home can be rough... but there are good things about it as well. I bet the friends you've made will be people you remain friends with for life... it's never a bad thing to have another place to crash when you want to go on vacation in London right?!

    Cheers to the next adventure of being home once again... and in charge of your own transportation! :)

    Thanks for linking up for #SundayFunday!!! I always love your posts so much!

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  15. Congratulations on surviving the year!

    I'm sure this experience will bring so many blessings in the future. Things you can't even imagine yet. Good luck on the transition back into your life!

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