Bedroom Do's and Don'ts

A hamster is a fancy rat, in case you did not know
It's been a crap day but not going to talk about that. I will tell you what made me laugh out loud at the end of my crap day while talking to my girl. When you think your job is crazy, there is always someone else with a weirder experience.

And as a single woman, still exploring the minefield that is dating, I have to encourage other single people to really not take anything for granted when looking for a love match. So, when next you think your love life and/or your sex life is dull and could use some passion, DO ask some serious questions about your date's sexual habits and decide whether they are relevant to your tastes.

Now while I am all about freedom of choice, in and out of the bedroom, there are certain limits I think. Talking to my friend, I was shocked to learn that some people are using animals as part of their bedroom trysts. Very few things shock me, but I am regularly disgusted by the habits of mankind. So what would you tell a guy who comes into your emergency room with a hamster up his ass? What do you say when after you ask the all important question - how did the hamster get there? - he says, it was part of our...ummm...bedroom activities?

And when I asked how on earth this hamster got into such a...tight space...and was told that the hamster was positioned face first near the "door" and then a fire lit at its back end, which ensured frantic burrowing to get up there...well, there were no words really. A fire! This is not what The Doors had in mind when they sang "Light My Fire".

What is the sexual attraction of sending a rat up one's back door? Can't a vibrator do the job?

DON'T engage innocent animals in your sex life. I am not a lover of rodents, but this is horrible! Both for the rodent and the human.
DON'T be cruel to animals for your sexual gratification. Seriously.

Additionally, DO use websites or local sex shops to acquire toys and other such paraphernalia to enhance your sexual experience.
DON'T use lightbulbs. Yes, another person came into the ER with lightbulb filaments up there. Who thinks this is normal? Again, "Light Up My Life" was a big hit, but this was not the original concept!

DON'T assume your date is normal. DO ask these questions and spare yourself the trauma!
DO contact your local PETA or RSPCA/TTSPCA/ASPCA if you encounter such psychos.
DO save the hamsters of the world.
DO spare yourself from animal borne diseases!
DO think long and hard about your sexual behaviour during the dating process! Celibacy may be an option.

16 comments:

  1. I have NO words... I had to read a few parts twice to make sure I wasn't mistaken. Yuck.

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  2. WHAT!? WHAT!? WHAT!?! You're kidding?!

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  3. Believe me I did a few OMGs during the conversation as well. I found it hard to believe and a bit disgusting. No. Very disgusting.

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  4. Sooo seriously. Do animal cruelty charges apply? This is revolting to me but even more disgusting is the complete lack of compassion for the animal.

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  5. OMG! Wow some people! Now I could never hear Light Up My Fire the same way again lol

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  6. WHAT?! Ewewew.
    And isn't that like, illegal or something?!

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  7. i'm......beyond speechless....
    people actually do this who are NOT supposed to be locked up in an institution somewhere?!?!?!? say wha say whaaaaaa????
    shocking doesn't even begin to cut it.
    but yes - excellent PSA to DO YOUR RESEARCH before jumping into bed with a new person! yowza! good luck to you in your dating quests!

    #commenthour visitor!

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  8. hehehehe....very funny. Very grateful I am in a happy relationship and noy single

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  9. Ewww. This is so gross. Are you an ER nurse? I'm an RN and have never seen this stuck, thank God! That is so very nasty. I hope a psych consult was ordered.
    Sarah @ made in usa challenge

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  10. OMG! I have no words on this! People are freaking nuts!

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  11. Um, I'm completely traumatized. You hear those rumors about Richard Gere...and then to know there's a METHOD...a known method...I just can't.

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  12. Oh my God that's so disgusting and cruel! The perverted part doesn't even shock me that much but the fact that they lit a rodent on fire just makes me so so sad :( I can't believe how horrible humans can be.

    Thank you for your comment, I'm really enjoying your blog!

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  13. WHAT?!?! Seriously?! I always thought the Richard Gere thing was a hoax. Never in a million years would I have ever imagined that such things really existed.

    Thoroughly skeeved out right now.

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