Questions and Answers

Question: Have you abandoned your blog?

This was a question posed to me by a loyal reader (one of my 1.5 loyal readers) after clicking on my blog over and over and seeing nothing new since September.

Answer: No, I have not really abandoned it. I like that it is there. I do feel like creativity has abandoned me. I always have the best of intentions and then I open up the blog app, and I am either too tired or too uninspired to fill the white space with words which make sense and which would make anyone want to read them. But I realise that not writing is also not good - it is like stifling that light inside until it is a mere flicker. So I am going to try (yet again) to not give up on the blog for too long.

Question: How come you didn't blog/tweet/Instagram this?

This was a more recent question (someone asked me this yesterday actually). I ran into a friend at a thing my mum and I were at, and later that evening, she messaged me to ask why I had not checked in or taken any photos. Ummm...cause I was just there for the experience. I mean - what did she want to see? She was there!!! lol. I don't think I need to chronicle every outing, every cough for the world. Not only that, I think I have spoken enough about not really being tied down to my phone, so I can leave it in the bag and just be somewhere without it. I must admit, I was really amused by her question - maybe people think I don't have a life because I don't tweet about every little thing I do. Granted, lately I have been sleeping a lot, but there are also birthday parties, baby showers, girls' nights out, countryside drives on the weekend, cooking adventures, property viewings, shopping trips, Mummy/daughter Saturdays, being the best aunty 2 kids can ever want. It may not always be the most exciting but it's my life - and it's mine to share or not share as I choose.

Question: So what's next?

It's Sunday. I have finished all the weekend chores. Sipping on my iced tea and soon going back to bed. Life is good.

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Ensure Vacation Fun with the Right Travel Buddy

As I try my best to think ahead to this vacation of nothing I would like to have before December 31, a friend and I were yesterday talking about travel buddies and how they can make or break your vacation enjoyment.

Most people know that I am Lone Wolf when it comes to travelling. Once I have my passport and when necessary, a valid visa, I wait for no man or woman. I like the spontaneity of being able to select a destination and work towards getting there.

I have not had good experiences planning trips with friends – none of these trips ever happened. The single, childless travel fiend is always a bit more flexible than the mothers and wives. Travel tastes also vary. According to some, I am a bit bourgie, and that’s fine. If being bourgie means I am not a fan of backpacking and sleeping in some hostel where the sheets may or may not have been washed, and where I have to share a shower with 20 other people – 20 strangers I must add, then yes, I am hella bourgie. I get up too early in the morning, work too many damn long hours and I am always too tired to spend my vacation in some hostel! So therein is another reason I am the Lone Wolf.

But I was not always like this. Oh no. On my very first real vacation as a working adult, I planned a tropical girls’ trip with a friend. It had all the ingredients to be a fun time – a great destination, with great activities, great restaurants, a great friend. We got there, and from the moment we got off the plane, it was whine o’clock. The sun was too hot, the taxi was too cramped, the streets were too narrow, the room was too cold. Jee-bus!

Then we got to the shopping area, and while the shopping was excellent, who spends all their money on stuff on the FIRST day of a FIVE day trip? And no credit card in sight. Having not budgeted to pay for two, I could not chip in for five days. This now meant all the activities we had planned on doing were now going to be solo or no-go. *insert salty face here*

Then there was the issue of my Energiser bunny-ness versus dead bunny. I am one who wants to do and see everything, and while I can temper this to meet my travel buddy half way, waking up at 11am was not cute. Not just waking up at 11am, but waking up at 11am and then wanting to laze in bed, watching reruns on cable for another hour before getting into the shower, while I sit there, hungry, and while the beautiful day outside was being wasted. I had many a lonely breakfast during this trip.

When we finally emerged from the hotel, the whining resumed. It was just crazy. I called my mother one morning – exasperated – and then that same morning, decided I could enjoy this vacation by myself while Sleeping Beauty caught up on her beauty sleep until 2pm. On another trip, I had a daily 60 minute wait for one friend who insisted that she had to style her hair with the curling iron before heading to the beach. Really??? And so, the Lone Wolf was born.

However, I have since gone on staycations/vacations with others, and have had much much better experiences, but the travel buddy needs to be screened and selected carefully to ensure you get full value from your vacation investment.

Some helpful tips:

Two peas in a pod - At the very least, have common interests and values when it comes to your vacation. You may not always want to do all the same things, but some similarities go a long way. 

Discuss plans for the trip – It’s good to discuss beforehand what you both expect from the trip so that no one gets sour during the trip. Your travel buddy may not want to do everything you want to do and this may mean you cannot do everything you want to do. However, if you REALLY want to visit the Louvre and he/she really wants to go on a wine-tasting tour, then plan accordingly with compromise in mind to ensure each person gets value from the trip.

Budget – Ensure your travel buddy has money, and has budgeted realistically for your destination. That trip of a lifetime can sour really quickly if your travel buddy is going to be rolling with a calculator, doing currency conversions before they buy even a bottle of water and complaining that in Trinidad or wherever, this would be x dollars and not so expensive. THIS is annoying to the extreme!

Destinations will not change people – If your travel buddy annoys you on a regular day, then don’t set yourself up for disaster. Being in close quarters for a period of time, day in, day out, with a person who annoys you in daily life is going to ensure your vacation is a disaster. Just don’t do it – travelling alone is a much better and more enjoyable option.

That being said, I am still planning this vacation of nothing as a solo superstar adventure, but I am open to suitable travel buddies.

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Sushi Night Out

Sushi night out

Last evening, I decided to try the new More Vino outlet in San Fernando. Since I am already a patron of the original in the capital city, I was excited to finally try the Southern version - especially since it meant my commute would be less than 20 minutes.

It was fun. The sushi was great. It being St Patrick's Day, I also managed to take a day off from my Lenten abstinence from alcohol, and relax with some wine and cocktails, with some great girls, talking about love, men and relationships. I am still a very cool hybrid of Carrie and Samantha a la Sex and the City.

A couple things I did not like though -

I had booked a table for 3, and yet there was one menu. Now since I got there first, one menu was not a problem, but I did not think I would need to ask for 2 additional menus when my 2 girlfriends got there, and then get a bit of an attitude. What annoyed me was that the place was not that busy, so there should not have been a menu shortage, but apparently, menus are an endangered species in the place. I almost offered to pay for some photocopies!

Then, we are eating, laughing, hanging out. I appreciate attention from waiters or hostesses, but trying to take my plate, before I am even finished, and without even asking is just a bit rude. I felt like they wanted us to leave or clear the table, but again, people were not lined along the streets trying to get in, so what? Yeah...was not feeling that.

But other than that, the sushi was amazing and the night out was fun. The security guard told me I looked like a movie star. Pity, he didn't. Story of my life.

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Are you a 30-something Geriatric?

Disclaimer: This is by no means a sweeping indictment of all 20-somethings. I mean, I used to be one and I was pretty awesome then too! And if you ARE a 30-something geriatric, we need to talk, Dr Phil style!

I left the house yesterday to wander through London, ending up at Haagen Dazs for a bit of chocolate orgasm and having the misfortune to sit next to a young lady who apparently had parrot's bottom for breakfast cause God...the girl talked and talked and talked...and talked. I looked over at her friend to see if there were any tell-tale signs of wear and tear on her ears and saw none that were visible but I am sure she was traumatised. While I tried my darndest to ignore her conversation - about her upcoming wedding, her job as an events assistant, her fiance, Canada, who's coming to the wedding, what she had for dinner the night before, the rehearsal dinner - it was really hard not to feel like I was at her table. But one comment that stuck with me was when she was describing some guy named Anthony (??) and she said

"It's incredible. He's 32 and has soooo much energy."

I almost choked on my whipped cream - if that is even possible.

The girl is clearly young, and a bit daft, but when did 32 become geriatric? Energy at 32? OMG. The horror! I felt my insides shrivel up and die at that moment - my 30-something year old insides. I should not even be talking about heels and flip flops. I should be reviewing wheelchairs and walkers!

Cheers to 30!

I'm not sure who the 30-somethings in her life are, but 30 is awesome, baby! After this postgrad experience, being around undergrads and just-out-of-undergrad 20-somethings, I honestly have no desire to go back to being 22, 23, 24. Maybe 27 - cause that was an awesome year for me, and I remember my birthday party - I was smokin', but I am pretty okay being a ravishing 30-something, with all the wear and tear of experience on my face (though I am not feeling the grey hairs, Mother Nature), in my smile and on my wisdom and outlook - which for the most part is as as sunny as London is today and it is pretty damn sunny outside.

And just as an FYI, 20-something year old motor mouth - sure you might have a few things up on your 30-something counterparts, like perkier boobs, fewer laugh lines, higher metabolism, but if you want to talk about energy:

When we hit 30, certain things get worse -- our boobs, ability to pull all-nighters, and energy levels -- but our sex life is not one of them - Yahoo! (read more)

Sleep with one eye open if the woman next to you and your hubby at the breakfast buffet on your honeymoon is over 30. lol.

Anyway, the evening ended being surrounded by other London geriatrics, who all seemed very alive, and enjoying life, and many many cocktails and then today started with some soca in New York - Kes The Band on Good Day New York, representing my beautiful country, Trinidad and Tobago - a land known for its energy, joie de vivre and resilience.

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When Dating Fun Becomes a Public Disaster

Take Me Out Game Show

So I went out with the girls on Sunday - dissertation break - and part of the evening was a customised version of the game show, Take Me Out. Now I had never heard of this thing, so when the young lady asked me whether I wanted to participate I politely declined. I have no desire to be a public sensation. 


I wiki'ed the concept for your benefit. 

One single man has to try to impress thirty single women. Each woman has a (white) light which she can turn off (red) if she is unimpressed by the man. His aim is to convince as many women as possible to keep their lights on so that he can then pick, from the women remaining, the one that he wishes to take on a date. If there is one woman left, the man and woman will go on a date. If no lights are left on - what is referred to as a "blackout" - then the man must leave the show without a date. - Wikipedia

In this case, there were about 7-8 single men, and the lights did not turn red when "switched off". They just switched off. They also selected women who had signed up - me, not included!!! Boy, did I dodge a bullet with this thing. Why?


1. The man candy was extremely stale. I mean, I am not sure where they found these princes but they were not happening. From the unemployed to the pants falling off the waist, to the babies (22 is not for me!!), I surely would not have wanted to date any of them. With that being said, I did not and could not understand the way they behaved later, cause any woman who dated them, was going to be doing them a favour, which leads me to point #2...


2. The embarrassment factor. The first young lady called up on stage - man, did I feel bad for this chick. I was not really paying attention to her "sales pitch" but I do recall she was American. Maybe she thought the accent would have won them over but she needed more than a Yankee accent, lemme tell ya. 


The look...the aesthetic did not win her any points with the guys I am sure. I mean, she was cute, and while her ensemble was not at all hurting my eyes, we must remember, men are shallow, visually stimulated beings. lol. The little house dress looking thing she was wearing with the ballet flats - a no go, especially if you sign yourself up for what is essentially a meat market, starring meatheaded men. And looking at the nimrods on stage, they were clearly looking for T&A. They wanted Nicki Minaj. Not Ma Kettle.

Nicki vs Ma - who would you choose?

Still, I did not expect the men to behave in the manner in which they did (or maybe I did) when the MC asked them to keep their lights on if they wanted to date her. 


Lights out. 


Crickets.


Let's just say, if the lights around their necks were the only light source in the room, we would have been in complete darkness, fumbling and groping strange people. And it was the no-hesitation, semi scramble, childish "not me, not me" antics to take their lights off, almost as if the last man standing would be sentenced to death that really got me. Poor. Add the "ooohs" and "damnnnnnn"s and laughter from the audience and I am sure this girl wanted to roll up in a ball, roll away and die. She did not die, at least not there, but she did roll away - taking her friend and hustling out of the room out of sheer embarassment no doubt. Lord, I feel shame for the chick.


Why would anyone put themselves through that though? I would not do it! Dating is hard enough! The private rejection is mind numbing, so why would you want to share that with the world, if even for "fun". I am sure she did not think it was fun in the end. 


As I said, the girl was cute and I am sure there is some guy out there who would love her and her house dress...umm...casual style. While I am confident in my hotness, I am not in any way fooling myself that I am THE ANSWER, and that all men will grovel at my feet. My hotness - it's not for everybody and being made a public spectacle is not my idea of a good Sunday night. I hope she has sufficiently recovered and learnt her lesson. Sit in your chair, drink your mojito and relax yourself.

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A Squashed Social Life

When I woke up this morning, it was not good. Not good at all. I dragged myself to the bathroom, took a shower and went down to get myself some breakfast so I could pump drugs into my system. I am funny like that. Not about pumping drugs into my system, but about breakfast. I cannot, most times, eat breakfast without first having a shower. I guess I can add that to my list of neuroses - must be clean to eat a bagel. It's not as bad as all that. I have had breakfast in my jammies, but it's one of those meals I don't have as often as I would like, and it's also one of those meals that you can, when you do have time to have it, lounge about and relax - read the paper, read blogs, watch a little tv, etc. In any event, I don't like sitting around all morning in post-wake up mode - wake up face etc. Once I have rolled out of that bed, I like to have my shower first thing!

Anyway, despite feeling like rubbish, I still managed to do the house bunny type things. I cut up bits of dead chicken, seasoned and left to marinate, chopped veggies, and made not one, but 2 awe-inspiring meals - pelau and roasted butternut squash soup. The former I knew I could not stomach today with my poor tummy in knots, but which would be lunch/dinner for the rest of the week and it would be better to do everything today so I would not have to face the nightmare of cooking a second time this week. The latter, which I have been craving for weeks and which goes well with the crummy weather and crummy tummy, turned out pretty fabulous if I say so myself.

I was up until 4 this morning transcribing, and still managed to roll off the bed at 8.45, so I am pretty wiped out, especially after all the cooking and cleaning. I have not left the house since Friday and even though I am not feeling well, I sure as hell am looking forward to getting out this house tomorrow. I hope that's still on - no word yet from the tomorrow planner. But rain or shine, I am outta this dungeon.

One major plus of London over Trinidad is that the vast majority of my friends are all single, which makes going out more fun. Once upon a time, my friends back home were single and we would be out and about, enjoying life.

Then came men and marriage and babies and death sentence. Death sentence you say? Well, maybe that is being overly dramatic but while I recognise that life changes after marriage and I accept this - and would not really want to be friends with young mothers who stumble out of nightclubs drunk and disorderly after 3 in the morning - life really just ended. More so for the single friend. lol. Me.

Life definitely changed. For them - it probably changed for the better. For me - not so much. I think this is where my independent streak started - doing stuff I liked doing, no matter what. Going boldly where no cute Trininista had gone before...and on my own. It has made me bolder and more adventurous in some ways and more open to stuff I would not have done before while swathed in the normalcy of girlfriendhood.

Now my girlfriends had husbands and babies and somehow, despite our best efforts, we just did not do things together anymore that often - not even sister neutral things - things both the wives/mummies and the unencumbered single friend could do and enjoy. No resentment, but I just needed to fix my mix in my own way because life was still hurtling along - with or without them.

Still, it's always more fun to have buddies to share your interests with - even if you have to do them in the rain.  Thanks, London.

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Thinking about the Afterlife (lol)

I am sitting in my room, desperately trying not to cry over my dissertation (well, maybe "cry" is an exaggeration, but I am in slight panic mode) which is always at the top of my mind. If you think going out is at the top of my mind, you are very wrong.  I go out to actually forget about the challenges I am facing with this dissertation. I doubt I am supposed to sit and sulk in my room about it when that changes nothing.

Anyway...I am keeping positive and I have had 30% success this morning, after yet another all nighter, stalking potential respondents and getting some early feedback, which are still bold MAYBEs, but better than definite NOs.

Then in the middle of the ever boring and tedious task of transcribing interviews, I started thinking about the afterlife. Not THE afterlife but life after my Master's, because there are definitely some things I am looking forward to.

Warm weather and sunshine. The morning chill, the midday chill, the afternoon chill, the evening chill, the night chill. And the dreariness. The gloom. Not fun. Yesterday was not too bad actually. I boldly left the house in a strapless maxi dress (with a shrug in hand of course), even though I was not sure how long the sun would last but I said, screw it...the dress is just taking up space and not being worn, so might as well risk it. Good decision all round!

Shopping trip - I was looking at old Miami and NY photos last night, and checking out the stock at my favourite retailers. lol. Shoot me. I love it. I cannot wait to get a good shopping trip under my belt. And not just that but it also incorporates travel, vacation, meeting up with friends - all in one shot!

Dinner party - I love entertaining and love having friends over. I am so going to have a graduation do once this is over and have my people over to celebrate my triumph over academia and student life madness. I can actually focus on cooking again, in the way that I like - trying new recipes and experimenting in the kitchen and entertaining and having fun and catching up. I really miss that. It's not quite the same when you're trying to save money and time.

Personal space - There is definitely something to be said about one's comfort level being back in one's own house. I miss my own bed, my environment, my bathroom. My Glade Plug-Ins and scented candles. lol. Living with a man is not always a winning situation. The smell of football socks and other such rank odours are not smells I may soon forget but I know I will NOT miss it.

Getting a cute someone in my life - A month ago, in an email to my friend, Nic, I wrote (Nic is Trini like myself so the email was in full blown Trini. I have not made any edits):

"I fed up with man though. They annoying. If I could, I would be down by Battersea Dogs and Cats Home adopting a lil dog to love. They cute, just need food and an ear rub and they doh answer back, and unless is a pitbull, they doh kill yuh either."

I really do miss having a dog and after having my own little princess dognapped almost 4 years ago, I never replaced her. Being here, in Dog Happy England, and being surrounded by the cuteness, I have finally decided I want a cute doggie in my life once more. I think I have suffered enough. So while the household has 2 dogs, whose main job is allegedly to protect the premises (what a laugh!), I want MY dog. My baby - to cuddle with and take on drives and greet me when I come home from work.

And just general well being. Sure there will be job stress and other such life challenges, but I am just ready to put this school thing behind me. Soon. Positive thoughts today!

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Single and Fabulous?

Single and Fabulous? Is it possible to be both?
Hell yeah!

This evening, I was watching some simply prehistoric episodes of Sex and The City. This episode, "They Shoot Single People, Don't They?" was not only amusing but I am sure so many single people can relate. Carrie agrees to do a shoot for a cover story, and she has a late night and gets to the studio disheveled and ungroomed, but the photographer promises her she is just taking test shots.

Instead what ends up on the cover is a photo of a weary, frazzled looking, chain smoking train wreck, with the caption - Single and Fabulous??

I am not sure where the conspiracy began or who started it, but single people are not on the brink of destruction. Nor do we need rescuing or curing from this incurable disease known as singledom or spinsterhood as some may like to call it. There are many tired and lame stereotypes of single women especially that single women tend to be:

• Lonely
• Bitter
• Aimless
• Promiscuous
• Confused
• Incomplete

...and the list goes on.

I don't think single women need saving. I think sometimes society and some of the social norms push us into a corner and single women are somehow not supposed to be happy or feel fulfilled because they do not have a husband or a brood of kids. The lives we live, even if fulfilling to us personally, is never enough for the world in which we live. Careers and leisure and other pursuits somehow don't mean much to some. We have been brainwashed into believing that life does not really get going until you're hitched, but if your 30s come along and you're still not married - will you wait forever to start living? And while loneliness affects single women, guess what? Married women and women in relationships also feel lonely, even within the confines of marriage which is supposed to be a union of two souls. Loneliness is not limited to single people - or men or women. It strikes anyone at anytime and in any circumstances.

So why is it hard then for some to think that one can be single and fabulous? Maybe I am biased but I always thought being single was fabulous, having its own perks as does marriage and motherhood. There are pros and cons to every state of life. Husbands come in pretty handy when work life gets tough or you need a foot rub or a cinema buddy. Single women can wake up and jump on a plane and just go - no worries about babysitters, husbands etc.

It works both ways. So I denounce the question mark in the caption. Single and Fabulous?? Of course! Single and Fabulous!

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A Real Halloween Nightmare

I know there are some of you who literally cannot stand my lack of posting and for this I am sorry. The photo is my proof of being busy. I have been busy, for the most part. I have school work coming up my throat as vomit and out my ears as reverse noise. It is now almost 48 hours since I have slept and I surprisingly needed a glass of wine to bring me back to bed, minus the books and notes. I have been asked to please come (by the lovely Sonso) to a party tomorrow night - a Halloween type thing I guess - and as much work as I want to do, I know I need to also find some sort of balance. I realised yesterday that since I have been in London this time around, I have been to central London once, I believe. It's been 6 weeks.The thing is I have no Halloween-esque accoutremnts, though the dark circles under my eyes surely must make for great costuming.

You would also be pleased to know that the dreaded essay which I wrote about a couple weeks ago has lost. Me 1 vs Essay 0. My lecturer announced in class that my essay was a "joy to read". If she only knew how her comments were a "joy to hear". I am basking in the temporary joy that I have the highest marked essay in the class so far, but I am sure she has read a few better ones by now. I still bask. Give me my small moment, thank you.
It's reading week aka half-term week so I don't have actual classes this week but it is not a break by any stretch of the imagination. It is just the lecturers' way of saying, "we have f@#%ed you all semester, and know you need a week to complete the dozens of assignments we have set you. So there you go."

And that is exactly what I will be doing. I also have scholars' tea tomorrow. That sounds so posh and dry it is mind numbing. Scholars' tea - where a bunch of us who are on scholarship mingle and meet academics. I think of a bunch of nerds in tweed, sipping Earl Grey and eating little sandwiches. Luckily, they will have me as well.

Last week was a tough one for me, hence the lack of posts. I need to be in the right frame of mind to write. I missed a lot of things last week, like Trini picong and my little family, but besides the chronic pain in my shoulder, I am alright. About that - dunno how I can go out when I cannot even lift my right arm without agony. But we will see how it goes. I hope I can make it. For now, I am going back to the books.

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