Babes with Kids: A Great Place for Mums

One thing I love about my friends is that they all are doing amazing things and when I wrote this post, I had a lot of great women in mind - mums who were doing their thing and being fierce!

My friend, Natalya - another one of those "friends from way back in high school", and a fab Trini as well,  agreed to share her story about her business, Babes With Kids - a website that serves as an online guide for mothers and their families.

So what exactly is Babes With Kids, you ask? Natalya explains how it all started.

My second child was born in August 2008 and I took 12 months of maternity leave. It was during this time I realised how difficult it was being a full time Mom. My husband was fully aware of my frustration and prompted me to start up a website. He was shocked that I choose to venture into a website about Motherhood instead of one about Mathematics, which is my field.

Babes with Kids was conceived in January 2009 and, with articles ranging from simply inspiring and motivating to children's education and family health, the site addresses common questions which mothers generally ask from day to day.

Babes with Kids is here to help moms feel, look and be their best! Women can excel in every area of life and having children should not stop anyone from fulfilling their lifelong goals and dreams. Women sacrifice a lot for their children and Babes with Kids is here to remind mothers to take care of themselves as well.

Being a full time teacher and a full time mum, Natalya also recognised that the site could support mothers who work from home.

Babes in Business was set up in May 2010 and will become a directory showcasing and promoting businesses set up by WAHMS (Work at Home Moms). Pregnancy is often the most creative phase of a woman’s life and many women get their best ideas immediately after the birth of a child. I am hoping to hone in on this creative energy and use it to encourage other Moms to become entrepreneurs.

Babes with Kids is an online guide for mums - encouraging them to be fierce!

While the site is primarily for mothers, there are various sections on the website which appeal to almost anyone, with articles across topics such as personal finance, health and beauty and there is even  poetry.

So how does Natalya manage a job, being a wife, mum to 3 kids, Trini superstar and this website?

It is very difficult. I am a full time Math Lecturer at a college in Hackney. I also do freelance work for a couple of exam boards and I am always studying. Having a 5 year old, 3 year old, 4 month old and a husband is not easy at all. I am not afraid to say when I am not coping and to admit when I need help.

None of this would have been possible without the children’s nanny. She is my most valuable asset. Her help allows me to have quality time with each of my kids, alone time at the gym (boxing is my hobby) and time with my husband.

I usually work on Babes with Kids during school holidays. I know that for it to really take off will mean me leaving my teaching job which I love.

(A 5yr old, 3 yr old, 4 mth old AND the husband. I would box too!)

The main challenge for her has been the lack of time to invest into the business.

Babes with Kids is a full time job but my teaching and my family consume the bulk of my time. It is good to know that if and when I decide to leave teaching that I have something else to put my energy into.

It is very rewarding connecting with other mums and reminding them to take time to develop their own well-being.

I continue to be inspired by the women in my life who are mums and doing things they want to do and enjoy doing, totally rocking the "S" on their chests.

You can also follow Babes with Kids on Facebook. 
And also on Twitter.

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The Great Mother/Non-Mother Divide...and Pyjamas

So someone took offence to this post.  That's fine but I have a few things to say here, because it irks me...irritates me to quote said reader.

I am not a mother. My mother is eager for some more grandkids, but I have other priorities in my life right now. Some of my best friends are parents and I think it is a wonderful thing. Truly beautiful. But...being a mother does not somehow make you better than me. If you are like this, then you are to quote the reader's description of me, superior, snotty and judgemental. I posted this entry because of women like this, who think that populating one's uterus is the key to all understanding. One day, God willing, I will be a mother and I hope to not be like this.

I do not appreciate women like this, who think that their problems are better or worse than a woman with no children. I make no apologies for loving fashion and fabulousity, for wanting to travel and enjoy all that life has to offer. Am I rich? No. Am I spoilt? Hardly. But just as some women love craft, cooking, writing etc, I also have my interests.

My parents, who did not have all the opportunities in the world that my brother and I had, worked hard and raised us so that we would be able to access all these things. My father especially wanted me to be able to access these things without falling into the dependency trap. I had the gift of having the main man ...MAN...in my life tell me that he wanted me to have access to education so I would never have to depend on a man for anything.

I went without a lot to get a lot - I am paying for my Masters degree - tuition of over 11,000quid - out of pocket. Add living expenses, in a very expensive city, and it's a big chunk of my savings - savings I accumulated over the years not from being spoilt or born with some kinda golden spoon, but from doing without. I did without a lot of things. I love fashion, yes, but I don't own a single item of clothing that has an expensive label on it. I buy shoes at Payless, and guess what? I am still frickin' awesome! If you don't think you're awesome enough to pull on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt to go out in public, more power to you.

I live a poor student's life at the moment, in a country that is not mine, away from everything I know and love. I joke about these things because being a bitch about it will get me nowhere and I chose this, just as I am sure you chose to be a mum.

I joke about not being able to afford cheese or buying eggs or sausages on offer. It's hilarious to me how long it takes me to decide whether I will splurge on frickin' sausages. I joke about the 3-4 days I sometimes go, without sleep, so I can finish assignments and do well. I joke about sitting in my room during the day in winter without the heater on because I am mindful that I am living in my cousin's house rent-free and heating is expensive. I joke and gripe about the weather in the UK, where I have been sick and in bed more times than I have been in the rest of my life combined. I have medical issues I don't mention cause that is not really anyone's business. I have commitments and frustrations like anyone else. Before I left my job, my days started at 3.30 every morning and ended at 10, 11 at night. I did this EVERY DAY!!! To get to work on time, to face the music for 8, sometimes 12, sometimes 14 hours.

So don't think because I don't have sick kids or shitty diapers to wash, that my life is perfect and moving along swimmingly. As Trinis would say, yuh farse and bright! I get depressed sometimes but only sometimes because guess what - someone else has it worse than I do. Much worse. I have great friends, great, amazing family and a damn good life. Should I apologise for this?

And because you have a child, like the millions of other women on the planet, somehow you are better than me or your issues more important than mine? I don't think so.

Let me just add something else here - my mother had 2 kids. My parents were both public servants in Trinidad, which means we were not rich. My brother and I got sick like other kids. We had things we wanted and needed like other kids. They had to find money to get these things. And yet, my mother was and is the most beautiful woman I know. She had a very demanding full time job, 2 kids, a house to run, a husband to look after (you know these husbands are the other child in the brood), always had dinner on the table even after a hard day at work, and yet, she was always beautiful. Sometimes she would have to do without so we would have but she was always sharp, well put together and a queen. I never saw my mother leave the house looking less than she was. So lady with a problem, if I think leaving the house without having a shower, walking through the supermarket at 5.30 in the afternoon in your bathrobe is annoying, it is because I saw even with all her frustrations, my mother always looking like class. She could not always go to the hairdresser - I soon learnt the art of applying relaxer to her hair. She could not always buy a new outfit. But she was always taking a moment for herself and keeping herself looking presentable.

My friend who has kids, posted this in response to my question regarding your opinion:

when the babies come, time gets ridulously short. those leisurely hours at the hairdresser, getting mani/pedis simply no longer exist. you get so wrapped up in your role it is easy to let it slip because nothing matters more to you than the... baby at that time. BUT that is all the more reason why you need to take time out and take care of yourself. Its an easy trap to fall in but you have to make yourself a priority too.

I agree that it is too easy a trap to fall into and too easy an excuse to use all the time. My girlfriends have kids. None were privileged, some of them are single mothers and still, they manage to show that being a mother - single or otherwise - does not preclude you from being fabulous. And being fabulous does not mean expensive clothes, heels or makeup. Please read my posts properly before making comments. I go out in jeans and baby tees most of the time but I still think I am the cat's meow. All women, mothers or not, need to make time for themselves.

I am not saying there are not times when mothers will jump out of bed to run out the door, to do whatever - but to use that as an excuse for all eternity is a cop out. If you describe your life as a mess, then maybe it will be a mess. That's the trap my friend is talking about and you have clearly fallen in it. There are so many other mommy bloggers out there, and I am sure they will also agree with you, and don't get me wrong, I know it is the truth. But don't use that as an excuse to get away from having some love for yourself either. Me time, for anybody, is vital. So if I don't agree with you that life is a mess, I am sorry. I prefer to aim higher, despite its challenges.

I imagine motherhood is both rewarding and challenging. So is the rest of life and we non-mums live it as well. Just remember that.

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Desperately Craving...

This past week was a really horrendous week.I had a group assignment to complete and it was no fun experience. The assignment is now done (fingers crossed that some bright person does not decide to make more changes at this 11th hour...again) and I am about to get some sleep. I have not slept more than 4 hours a night in about 2 weeks and I do not see the trend changing during this upcoming week, so better get the worm while it's still wriggling.

The weather is also now, in my frame of reference, officially dismal and I may need to start visiting the school pyschologist. There is a heavy mist over the street and my window is all frosty and the heater went on earlier than usual today. I sat and wondered how people could live like this...and more specifically...how do SINGLE people live like this? This phenomenon is intriguing and now directly impacts me since this kinda cold breeze and not even Muffy to come home to is a daunting and terrifying thought. There must be a Rent-a-Man-for-Winter service somewhere and if not, someone needs to start one. Soon.

Coming from an island, the cold temps take some getting...well...used to, because what am I used to? Blue skies and flip flops, and where the coldest it can get is what....a beastly 23 degrees Celsisus? It is most likely 1 degree outside. Am I going to run out and confirm that for you? No.

After spending my entire Saturday sitting in a Starbucks that did not smell like coffee but like your grandma's dusty coat, I somehow managed to keep my dinner date with the girls, despite not feeling well and admitedly, looking worse. The plan was not to spend all my waking hours behind a laptop in a coffee house with this group, but that's what happened so instead of going home to change out of my university hoodie, fat jeans and sneakers into something a bit more appealling, I had to sit in the restaurant like something the cat dragged in from the rain. Needless to say, I did not care because hunger outweighed vanity and I look back now on just how much I ate and shudder. But always nice to be out, no matter what one's physical condition. We went to the new Wahaca - the one in Soho, where I finally...finally...after a week of wanting one so badly I could cry...had...my...burrito.

Just to say though, after a week of craving a carnitas burrito, it was more than salvation to sit and order and then eat this fantastically simple, yet delicious thing last night after a shitty week and an even shittier day. If only I could get some other things that I am craving, the frosty window would not be so depressing.

The point of this pointless entry is that I am tired, burnt out, a bit hungry (lol) and starting to feel myself going into that place - where dark coldness starts to obliterate happy thoughts and where I need a hug and other things of various rating levels, from PG to R. Plus I have not skyped with my mother in about a week and that is never a positive mood builder. My nephew's christening was yesterday and I cannot wait to see the photos. I am missing it all and it's so sad. I am hoping to talk to her soon so I can get on with the whole business of living. If you don't talk to your mother regularly, then you're a terrible person. Mothers are the best!!!

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Skype Me, Mama

Just as an aside: I am in the mood for KFC for some odd reason.

I have had a mini training session which went splendidly. It was the Skype 101 programme for mums dealing with a newly emptier nest. I really think I may have created a Skyping monster now, but at least I can keep abreast of the Trini/homefront happenings while I am away. I can chat with baby and macco de scenes. Yes. This was a very essential and useful training session today. She has already gotten email down, so I can proudly say my mother is not a technological dinosaur.

Now if I could just get her off the laptop for 5 minutes!

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Life in fluffy socks

It's a cold and wet Sunday - just the way I love it. I have been doing some kitchen stuff - doing some sexy things with some chicken and some veggies.

Sure they don't look so sexy there to you, but add some chicken in mushroom sauce, and some stir fried sweet peppers and onions, and they are a girl's best friend.

Had a day out with the mum yesterday. I have not shopped for new clothes in a while and thought it would be good to make a girls' day out of it. It's good to take the mum with me because though our styles are way different, she knows what looks good on me and what doesn't. I tried on a blouse that I thought may have worked on me but my reflection did not agree. Neither did the mum. Her words: It's not you.

Mums know.

We got a Father's Day gift for the dad as well and all is well in the world. Of course, days like Father's Day where the cooking is a must, the threats to the waistline are immense. There was a macaroni pie on the counter when I woke up that has claimed victory after my failed attempts at resistance. But considering that I went out yesterday and did not have any takeout (I had a honey wheat pesto chicken wrap), no dessert, no sugary drinks, I think some cheesey pasta decadence is permissible. Plus I have veggies for the rest of the week.

Yesterday was a busy one so when the gym alarm went off this morning at 4.35am, and I heard the pitter patter of raindrops on my window, forgive me calorie gods for rolling over and pulling the blanket over my head and going back to sleep until 9.00am. I was tired and you don't know how tired you are until you surrender your body to the exhaustion.
Hope everyone had a good day with the dads, and the mums who dad duty when the dads are not around.

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