When Every Day Feels Like Friday the 13th

Dog tired.

I try not to blog when I feel the way I have been feeling over the past week. It's just like a Debbie Downer. The week basically sucked. I'm not sure why...there was nothing in particular. No unmistakable crisis. I guess it was just a bit of everything. Amusingly enough, spending an entire week working with the youth of this nation really would depress anyone. lol.


So I had a bit of a PT job this week, working on campus - no biggie, just some cash inflow to stem the increasingly traumatic outflow. So, basically it was helping out with clearing. Clearing...a new thing for the non-British me. 

Clearing is a service available between July and September, but for most people it is used after the exam results are published in August. It can help people without a university or college place to find suitable vacancies on higher education courses. If you are flexible and you have reasonable exam results, there is still a good chance you will find another course through Clearing. - UCAS

This has to be one of the most depressing yet at the same time, entertaining jobs ever. First, I was forced to spend an entire week with undergrads - and not just undergrads, but annoying, mostly childish undergrads. Sweet Lord. My eyes rolled in their sockets too many times this week. I mean, I am on the phone, on a call, and this nimrod across from me is playing drums on the desk we share, while I am trying to listen to the poor woman on the line. I had to put her on hold 3 times to ask him to stop, and he looks at me like I am crazy, laughs and continues doing it. And then they wonder why noone will hire them when they graduate!

Then you have the actual clearing, and dealing with that. On the one hand, you have to be the one to tell kids that their grades suck so bad that there is nothing they can get into. You have to listen to their little sobs and their angst over being left behind while all their friends go off to university. Then there were the ones who declined offers at other schools, so they could go through clearing, hoping they could get in to a better course, and then there is no space, leaving them with no offers, no school and a good box about the ears from mum because next year they are going to have to face the tuition increases. When I applied for my degrees, there was nothing traumatic about it. I had choice. I'm a nerd. Getting the student loan was a chore, but I did not have these issues and my heart hurt for some of these kids. Honestly.

Wine needed!!

On the OTHER hand...there were also the ge(r)ms representing the future of England. Kids who had really crap grades and wanted to get on to LLB courses and other courses requiring upwards of 300 points. But it's not even the blind ambition. It was the attitude. No crying and pleading but just damn rude and bright! Example: 

Girl: Yeah...so what can I get for like 80 points? [NB. 80 points can't get you sh...]
Me: (still trying to be helpful, cause it was clearly early on in the process) Not sure if there is anything available but let me check. (check when I know there is nothing). I am so sorry, but we do not have anything available at the moment.

Girl: Wha? Check again.

Me: (annoyed, cause she was not crying or hurting, she was being a twat) I'm sorry. There is nothing available.
Girl: Yeah, you just hang on, yeah. Lemme talk to me mum. (puts me on hold, but I can hear the little witch, saying, "That bitch says there ain't nothin'. And I know she's black...that black bitch.". Then the mother chimes in, "she ain't probably wanna help you")

Me: I can still hear you.

Girl: Oh...ummm...so there's nothing? Can you try again? (suddenly pleasant and conciliatory)

Me: Sorry. Best of luck.

Crying purges the soul they say

She lucky I eh cuss way her ass!

Yes. It was a STELLAR week! Waking up early to go deal with this shit. Then having to suffer through the mind numbing and nasal assaulting bus ride every day. On Thursday night, with a combination of fatigue, the skull blasting headache, stress over my dissertation (supervisor has yet to give me feedback and time's a-going), the frickin' bitter and nasty weather, and then getting to the part of my book where the female lead gets killed (lol...the agony), I got home, had some bran flakes and yogurt for dinner, crawled into bed, and cried myself to sleep.

Today was not as awful as the rest of the week has been, in terms of how I felt. The sun was out, the phone calls were less annoying, I was reading a new book, the lunch was better (lol), still no disso feedback but that's another story, a 20 year old undergrad was hitting on me, despite my grouchiness, inevitably making me laugh, and I got a bottle of White Zin on my way home, had some hummus and let go of the last few days. I am exhausted, a bit frazzled but such is life. And I am getting paid. Well, not yet, but eventually. And, the weekend is here. I get to see a friend, and be a slouch for a couple days. I need it I think.

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C for Crazy

So I have also decided to try the A to Z Blogging Challenge and I am not sure I will be able to blog every day, but we will see. Though I have missed A-B, today is C and this was easy. I made this before I realised today was Day C.

Tired. I am so frazzled I completely forgot to turn in my assignment electronically this morning. The deadline was 9am and at 8.30 I was still living in ignorance, under the blanket. Not sure what sparked the memory but at 8.32,  as I put the pillow over my head to shut out the reality of another day filled with reading about evaluation models, source oriented perspectives and ROI, it hit me and I flew off the bed in a panic, hoping my broadband was working, cause it tends to do weird things at the most inconvenient of times. God. I cannot wait for it to be over!

Sigh. C for Crazy. Check.

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Nothing to Do

Nothing to do? Not really. But sounds good.

I have nothing to do.

This is not true. I have loads to do. Craploads to do. But when you don't have the crush of a deadline around your neck, it is easier to deal with life. I have to really really really start focusing on my dissertation. I have my supervisor and a general idea of the topic(s) but time to get specific. Yesterday's lecture was the first time since being here that I had a bit of a worrisome feeling about an assignment. This dissertation is going to be killer.

But I can watch tv this morning...in my socks, without feeling guilty about the assignment on my bed. I can blog without feeling guilty about doing so. I can laze in the bath, maybe listen to some music. I will still read academic journals and go crazy with stickies on Adobe Reader (best feature ever, Adobe!!!) but there is no pressure (yet). I just have to ensure that I don't become too complacent to the point where time passes and there is in fact pressure.

I may take the train to Oxford Street this week and just walk aimlessly through London - cause that is what we do. Students. With a wee bit of time. And have a coffee or lunch date on Saturday - cause that is what we do. But going to read today.

I'm starving. Going to get some breakfast but I don't have any coffee in the house. Dilemma. No...major crisis. But...not going to change out of my silk pyjamas either to run to the store. Dilemma.

THIS is when not having some poor sod on speed dial to get you stuff is a real headache. Stuff like warm pastries and coffee for lazy Tuesday breakfast while I watch Giuliana & Bill!!!

But at least I got these yesterday. :-)

Purty purty flowers...

I was one of those silly people on the train yesterday afternoon. And that was very amusing to me, but very sweet and smile-inducing.

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Love is Bigger than a Box of Chocolates

It's been another tedious weekend. I finished my assignment at 9.30am or so. I was cooking this morning at 2am. Showering and then cleaning my room at 5am. It's crazy. I am now settled in bed with True Grit as part of my Sunday decompression and a glass of wine.

I guess everyone is excited for Valentine's Day tomorrow but it's just another day for retailers to dig out people eye (Trini spk). I am sure I will be bombarded by roses and chocolates on the trains tomorrow afternoon, which is fine. It's just the PDAs I can do without out.

But I am a really solid believer that if you're going to spend money to prove you love someone, which in itself is really ridiculous, do it so it helps someone else. Join (RED) has some really fantastic brand partners, and awesome red products which will be perfect for your honey, and help in the fight against HIV/AIDS as well.




Visit http://www.joinred.com/ and support love, AND the fight against HIV/AIDS
These were my top picks for Valentine's Day


I love that these are products people may actually want to be seen in - by established brands. It's often hard for causes to gain traction when the novelty items are cheap and irrelevant to daily life. That may sound awful but I prefer to donate my time or just the funds to a cause, rather than have an entire drawer filled with cheap knick knacks I will never use.  My dad falls for it every time - he has loads of seashell ornaments and homemade cards at home. Cute and sentimental but clutter. Take the money, keep the gift.

But what is hotter than a red Amex card (well, besides a black Amex card), or a red Netbook or that hot ruby faced Emporio Armani watch? Knowing that your money is going towards something worthwhile.

As usual, noone pays me to plug these things - they should - but in this case, it's a freebie. I am loving those Emporio Armani sunglasses like woah.

Love to everyone. Not at full capacity today.

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Fabulous Friday...Not

Warning: This blog entry is very lame. I am waiting for my show to download.

London is extra grey today and add some crazy winds, bad stomach pains and exhaustion and the chicks' night out became a chick night in. I am so tired and after a Tesco ready meal of chicken chow mein, some orange juice and some meds, I am tucked in under the covers - at 5.23pm. Oh sure I have set the "assignment wake up call" alarm but this is as good as it gets this Friday evening, especially based on how I feel physically at the moment. It's not a great feeling. So red light district this is not. But it does not get better than this for me. The party is here. In this bed. With a heated sweater and fluffy socks. And mini doughnuts. I feel better already!

And even better - cheese!

Thanks to smashing Shala for the cheese delivery, straight from New Zealand via Trinidad. I saw the Sainsbury's British cheddar cheese shed a tear as I placed this magnificent block of "down under" goodness in the top drawer of the fridge. It takes very little to make me happy. It was also nice to hang out with the Shals today and catch up.

Streaming last night's episode of Grey's Anatomy, and then I will take a much needed nap and hopefully wake up feeling inspired to work on this assignment. That's a big "hopefully".

Sorry this was not more exciting than this but life happens.

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Friday: Let's Talk Beauty (Vanity)

I've not been sleeping well. I go to bed at oh...3am..latest was 5am, and set the alarm to wake me up 6 hours later, so I can start a new day on this assignment, and 3 hours later, I am wide eyed. Not so bushy tailed. Here I am again - 3.5 hours later. Unable to sleep.

This of course means I look like utter rubbish. I have been "self medicating" with shea butter moisturiser to try to put some zap in my skin, and a lot of cold water splashes to minimise the puffiness under my eyes. This does not bode well for the evening where I am supposed to go out and look cute. Back home this would have meant - strong coffee, and a quick facial. You know, when they put you under the steamer and you fall asleep, and then the gentle massage takes you to dreamland, and then they leave the face mask on and go outside to check on other customers for 20 mins and you doze off with a smile on your face. By the time you leave, after your super nap and the relaxation, not to mention exfoliation and super skin crap that you know is probably not much better than the cheap crap you can get in the beauty aisle, you're positively glowing.

Fast forward to me, in fluffy socks, with puffy eyes, with not even enthusiasm to go to the kitchen, much less go outside. But go outside I must. I have been excited about going to good ole Boots all week. That's pretty sad considering all the things I could be excited about. But I'm a girl. I realise I miss being a girl. I went on their website to look for super skin crap to pre-empt a rubbish look this weekend, and realised all the stuff I had been missing. lol. Revlon. Clinique. L'Oreal. And when I saw this, I was super excited. I wanted to run down to Boots right then and there - at 1am.

I have not seen this in forever. This is not a plug for them cause noone pays me to rate their stuff - though they should. But this mask is awesome. I used to use it waaaaay back in the day, when I still wore a school uniform and when school was fun. Actually my mum used to use it, and I used to sneak into her beauty bag and steal some. Then one day she came home and felt like "masking" and the bottle was empty. She was not amused, but my skin was awesome. So when I saw Boots had it, I got so exciiiited. Maybe it can magically transform me from this

It's true. I am not too far off from looking like this today

...to this in...oh...10 hours?

The lovely Gabrielle Union

That would be a 21st century miracle but, I am optimistic. I continued browsing the website, looking at girly stuff. Fun. My fave nail polish is £8 though. That kinda killed the excitement somehow. It's the same way I felt going into the mecca of Trininista aka the M.A.C. store and knowing that £11.50 single eyeshadow was not as important as food. Sigh. How life has changed.

I always remember a man asking me what my favourite brand was and I said without blinking - "M.A.C.". He goes, "Oh you're an Apple groupie." Stupid. lol. Don't you guys know?

Courtesy M.A.C. - Freshwater

Hope everyone has a beautiful Friday. We all deserve to feel pretty and beautiful today. And if I don't get my mask in my local Boots, I am gonna burn the store down.

Smooches.

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Red Circles and Blue Skies

I'm up with the cows, if London has cows. It's going to be a tough few weeks. My cute calendar shows the damage. The days circled in red are DUE DAYS. Due days - when I give birth to an assignment after a very short gestation period as you can see. It's pretty much like the month of November when basically all the Mondays were circled. Happy times I tell you. The little blue face is obviously me. lol.

But I looked at it positively this morning. It's probably much easier to sit indoors with books, when it's cold and gnarly and grey outside, than if I were at home in the sunshine, during Carnival season no less. Can you imagine reading about reputation management when the skies are blue and the parties are everywhere? Impossible. Think about it with me...

This is the view from my porch where on a Sunday morning like this, I would sit and just do nothing, besides maybe watch a bird or two, share some crumbs with them, have my Cheerios and milk in my favourite mug, or wave to the neighbours.

Ahhh...La Vega - where many an afternoon has been spent just lying in the sun, with a beer, listening to loud Indian music from someone's speakerbox and cursing the owner of said speakerbox in my mind.

And of course, the North-East coast

...and Tobago. Beautiful beautiful Tobago, where a sunrise is like a kiss from heaven.

Yeah, it looks much more possible to get work done from this angle. lol.

Photo courtesy Travel Pod
No matter what city it is, that sky would keep me indoors for sure.

My friend LSJ had given me a beautiful oversized mug one Christmas. I loooooove that mug. I miss that mug. But it pretty much sums up life.

No lie...I really love that mug. See? It's blue and got white spots like a sky and everything. I need a sunny sky mug!!!

Dream - I had dreams of getting this Masters done and getting it done here and I am right where I wanna be, albeit not as warm as I wanna be. lol.
Inspire - I know I have inspired others, in one way or another, during the course of my short life and have been inspired by others as well - by the great men and women I call my friends.
Cherish - I cherish every blessing and moment, no matter how heinous, because it means I am alive. And I cherish the people in my life.

Happy Sunday folks. It's back to the pasta and pizza drawer for me this week. No Sunday kitchen sexiness today. Except for the sexy omelette I am going to whip up for breakfast. I tried another type of cheese at Sainsbury's. God help me and my omelette. lol.

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Luxurious Living

lux·u·ry  [luhk-shuh-ree, luhg-zhuh-]
noun, plural -ries, adjective

–noun

1. a material object, service, etc., conducive to sumptuous living, usually a delicacy, elegance, or refinement of living rather than a necessity: Gold cufflinks were a luxury not allowed for in his budget.


2. free or habitual indulgence in or enjoyment of comforts and pleasures in addition to those necessary for a reasonable standard of well-being:
 
Luxury. Being able to come home early - no library, no assignment - sit in the recliner, laptop on social networking sites, and not on academic studyspace; tv on Law and Order, for the first time in weeks; dinner on the mind, and a glass of wine on the desk, without any fear of getting too sleepy to work until the wee hours of the morning.
 
Luxury.
 
This will not last. I have assignments around each and every corner for the next couple months, but I am taking two days official down time. I cannot function at a non-stop pace. It is not normal. One needs to take little breaks and enjoy little pleasures like Law and Order, triple chocolate muffins, a couple glasses of pinot grigio, and being able to sleep in past 8 in the morning.
 
Luxury.
 
It's also being able to finally keep your date, which has been postponed every Saturday for the past 3 weeks. Tomorrow, we go out for Indian food. I do not have such a good track record with British curry but he insists this is great stuff and to be fair, British Airways curry cannot be on any "Must Have" UK tourism list. I am excited to actually go out and have a life tomorrow. This is insane.
 
Oh, and the Rum Festival yesterday was a lot of fun. Somewhat disappointing that the rum reps were all British, except for a couple Trinis at the Angostura booth (thank God...my peeps!!) but the rum drinkers were Caribbean though (shocker!) and  it was great fun, not to mention great rum. I sampled a lot of great rums, most of which I had had before, but note to everyone out there - don't do cachaça shots. Cachaça is best when in caipirinhas. I was a bit tipsy at the end of the night but happier - essay was done, life was nice.
 
Not feeling so well today so the luxury is well needed. A bit tired, a bit achey, a bit cold...no...a lot cold. The weather is really doing its worst now. Got a snuggly soft nightdress for the cold evenings, to go with my fluffy slippers and socks. Gonna put some pasta on the stove and enjoy a night of total nothingness. Total bliss.

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Piggylicious

The start of my vacation had marked the end of healthy, purposeful eating. I was eating well and going to the gym regularly. Then I went on vacation and I was also eating well - VERY WELL - and by that I don't mean broccoli and legumes. I was having Thai and Japanese and lots and lots of Italian, and Brazilian and Caribbean food and thanks to my cousin, lots of wine, lots of cocktails, thanks to RT, lots of Haagie. I was the piggy hotness enjoying a well earned vacation. Then I came home and nothing changed but the nationality and readiness of the food. My mum was on vacation and I was forced to fend completely for myself. So while I would cook a healthy, full lunch for work and have a small Mummy-cooked dinner, I was now too tired to manage all that cooking and was having crap. The macaroni pie is not only my favouritest thing in all the world, but it is also the simplest thing to prepare, next to a pelau, and my 3rd macaroni pie in 2 weeks is sitting in the fridge.

So yes, I am an oink oink at this point and feeling it in every inch of my fat body. I had promised to make it to the gym today but nature had other plans so this has been delayed. I have a nice helping of yesterday's "welcome home mummy" pelau, with some cole slaw and a slice of the infamous macaroni pie in my lunchbag - this after digging through the mountain of broccoli in Hi-Lo to find the right bag of my favourite green vegetable for steaming for lunch this week. I am a sinner and I ask for forgiveness.

I hope to get my ass in gear and back in shape, soon.

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