"Me" is not a dirty word

Love your aloneness

Do you have a problem dining alone?

Today, on my day off, I decided to have lunch at a new restaurant I had not yet tried. The original plan was to meet the girls later this evening, but one by one, they bailed on the plan. I could have just rescheduled and met up with them to try this place out next week or whenever, or I could have gotten out of bed and trussed up for a lunch for one. I ended up choosing the latter, which is my usual course of action when I really want to do something. And with it being International Women's Day, I was even more empowered, especially with the lure of complimentary wine in honour of the occasion. So I got dressed, got myself cutesified, grabbed my Kindle and had a very lovely lunch on my day off.

But this is something I do regularly, and not just with lunch, but with life. If I were to wait for others to step in before I decided to do anything, I would be stuck at home, on this island, for all eternity.

But it is more than being brave enough to "be alone" in a grouped up, coupled up world.

I sent my girlfriend a text to tell her I liked the place in general (the staff were very surly but my waitress saved the entire experience), and her response was "Well, I need to get someone to take me there".

My response was "Take yourself".

It's about just doing things for yourself sometimes. Sure we are programmed for social connections, and I am not this man-hater. Hardly. But at the same time, why can't we enjoy who we are sometimes, without the extra trappings? Why does a man have to take you somewhere in order for you to go? Can't you just "take yourself"?  Can't you set aside a monthly "me" allowance to just do something? Whether you're single or in a relationship, I think everyone needs some "me" time every once in a while. And there's nothing wrong with that. Why do we sometimes make "me" a dirty word?

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ABC's Scandal: Fixing the Tragic Life of Singles

Single politician Will Caldwell
and his fixee on ABC's Scandal
Photo credit: Danny Feld/ABC

So like a lot of people nowadays, I sat down with a wafer after Grey's Anatomy, and watched ABC's Scandal. While I am not about to start any arguments about the show, I do want to comment on one thing.

So one of the sub-plots last night was around a Kennedy-esque type candidate for Governor. A driven and committed guy, from the right family background, with the media darling looks. Only one problem - he's single!

So I chuckled throughout the storyline.

1. He's educated, rich, good looking, from one of those families you apparently want to marry into, but the only thing WRONG with him, is he is single. lol. Referring to yesterday's blog post, he is a male leftover, and in political circles, that is a sin! While it was good to see the single man getting abused last night, I am still in the corner of all single people, advocating that it is not a tragedy! Is it??

2. So he's educated, rich, good looking etc, with no wife, no girlfriend, no signs of a woman anywhere - just single and moving along with his little politics hobby, so guess what? He MUST be gay! Yep. Single and with no obvious signs of a relationship, so clearly, you're gay and in the closet. This is real though. This does not only play out on tv! Turns out the guy was not gay but instead just creeping with his sister-in-law for the past decade.

3. Olivia insists that if given ten years, she can get a gay president elected. A gay president with a partner! But not a SINGLE president - gay or otherwise. ROFL. I mean, is there no hope for the singleton?

In the end, things were so bad for this very openly single dude, that they resorted to finding him a fake wife. Yes...a fake wife! So not only does Olivia Pope fix political messes, but she fixes the tragic life of the singleton. The DC matchmaker if you will.

Do you need an Olivia Pope for your tragic single life?

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Leftover Syndrome: The Last Single Woman Standing

A fridge full of leftovers. A society of leftovers?

I read this article this morning, and in my "It's 6am and I am already at my desk, sour and annoyed" state of mind, it elicited a bitter laugh.

It refers to the single, educated, urban woman - that woman over the geriatric age of 27 - and whom the Chinese society describes as "leftover women". You know, like that leftover turkey from Thanksgiving, or a leftover roti skin from the weekend get-together.

Well hear what - leftovers rock! Ask anyone who has made a good pelau this question - when is the best time to eat pelau? The answer: The day after. Leftover pelau. Hey, microwaves have made leftovers a Godsend, so China - bite me!

This whole notion of there being an age limit to marriage for WOMEN really grinds me. The Trini parlance is that you, the unmarried woman age 25 and up, are on the shelf, while all the other kids have been placed in the trolley and have been checked out by the cashier. Is there an expiration date guiding singledom? Is there a cut off date before you need to go buy knitting needles and adopt some shelter cats and get a t-shirt that says "Gnarly, Bitter Spinster"? And why are there no leftover men? Why this bias?

This is stupid. Okay, just stupid.

This part of the article was interesting and funny though.

Some local governments in China have taken to organising matchmaking events where educated young women can meet eligible bachelors.

How bizarre. Is there a Minister of Matchmaking? Ministry of Cupid? Can you imagine? Social programmes to ensure the best men and women get together and make some cute, bright kids. This is apparently as a result of the government actually wanting the leftover women - the creme de la creme of the society - to procreate. So we have come full circle, where the women being maligned are the women in demand to ensure the bright future of the society. Leftovers are awesome!

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When Dating Fun Becomes a Public Disaster

Take Me Out Game Show

So I went out with the girls on Sunday - dissertation break - and part of the evening was a customised version of the game show, Take Me Out. Now I had never heard of this thing, so when the young lady asked me whether I wanted to participate I politely declined. I have no desire to be a public sensation. 


I wiki'ed the concept for your benefit. 

One single man has to try to impress thirty single women. Each woman has a (white) light which she can turn off (red) if she is unimpressed by the man. His aim is to convince as many women as possible to keep their lights on so that he can then pick, from the women remaining, the one that he wishes to take on a date. If there is one woman left, the man and woman will go on a date. If no lights are left on - what is referred to as a "blackout" - then the man must leave the show without a date. - Wikipedia

In this case, there were about 7-8 single men, and the lights did not turn red when "switched off". They just switched off. They also selected women who had signed up - me, not included!!! Boy, did I dodge a bullet with this thing. Why?


1. The man candy was extremely stale. I mean, I am not sure where they found these princes but they were not happening. From the unemployed to the pants falling off the waist, to the babies (22 is not for me!!), I surely would not have wanted to date any of them. With that being said, I did not and could not understand the way they behaved later, cause any woman who dated them, was going to be doing them a favour, which leads me to point #2...


2. The embarrassment factor. The first young lady called up on stage - man, did I feel bad for this chick. I was not really paying attention to her "sales pitch" but I do recall she was American. Maybe she thought the accent would have won them over but she needed more than a Yankee accent, lemme tell ya. 


The look...the aesthetic did not win her any points with the guys I am sure. I mean, she was cute, and while her ensemble was not at all hurting my eyes, we must remember, men are shallow, visually stimulated beings. lol. The little house dress looking thing she was wearing with the ballet flats - a no go, especially if you sign yourself up for what is essentially a meat market, starring meatheaded men. And looking at the nimrods on stage, they were clearly looking for T&A. They wanted Nicki Minaj. Not Ma Kettle.

Nicki vs Ma - who would you choose?

Still, I did not expect the men to behave in the manner in which they did (or maybe I did) when the MC asked them to keep their lights on if they wanted to date her. 


Lights out. 


Crickets.


Let's just say, if the lights around their necks were the only light source in the room, we would have been in complete darkness, fumbling and groping strange people. And it was the no-hesitation, semi scramble, childish "not me, not me" antics to take their lights off, almost as if the last man standing would be sentenced to death that really got me. Poor. Add the "ooohs" and "damnnnnnn"s and laughter from the audience and I am sure this girl wanted to roll up in a ball, roll away and die. She did not die, at least not there, but she did roll away - taking her friend and hustling out of the room out of sheer embarassment no doubt. Lord, I feel shame for the chick.


Why would anyone put themselves through that though? I would not do it! Dating is hard enough! The private rejection is mind numbing, so why would you want to share that with the world, if even for "fun". I am sure she did not think it was fun in the end. 


As I said, the girl was cute and I am sure there is some guy out there who would love her and her house dress...umm...casual style. While I am confident in my hotness, I am not in any way fooling myself that I am THE ANSWER, and that all men will grovel at my feet. My hotness - it's not for everybody and being made a public spectacle is not my idea of a good Sunday night. I hope she has sufficiently recovered and learnt her lesson. Sit in your chair, drink your mojito and relax yourself.

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Single and Fabulous?

Single and Fabulous? Is it possible to be both?
Hell yeah!

This evening, I was watching some simply prehistoric episodes of Sex and The City. This episode, "They Shoot Single People, Don't They?" was not only amusing but I am sure so many single people can relate. Carrie agrees to do a shoot for a cover story, and she has a late night and gets to the studio disheveled and ungroomed, but the photographer promises her she is just taking test shots.

Instead what ends up on the cover is a photo of a weary, frazzled looking, chain smoking train wreck, with the caption - Single and Fabulous??

I am not sure where the conspiracy began or who started it, but single people are not on the brink of destruction. Nor do we need rescuing or curing from this incurable disease known as singledom or spinsterhood as some may like to call it. There are many tired and lame stereotypes of single women especially that single women tend to be:

• Lonely
• Bitter
• Aimless
• Promiscuous
• Confused
• Incomplete

...and the list goes on.

I don't think single women need saving. I think sometimes society and some of the social norms push us into a corner and single women are somehow not supposed to be happy or feel fulfilled because they do not have a husband or a brood of kids. The lives we live, even if fulfilling to us personally, is never enough for the world in which we live. Careers and leisure and other pursuits somehow don't mean much to some. We have been brainwashed into believing that life does not really get going until you're hitched, but if your 30s come along and you're still not married - will you wait forever to start living? And while loneliness affects single women, guess what? Married women and women in relationships also feel lonely, even within the confines of marriage which is supposed to be a union of two souls. Loneliness is not limited to single people - or men or women. It strikes anyone at anytime and in any circumstances.

So why is it hard then for some to think that one can be single and fabulous? Maybe I am biased but I always thought being single was fabulous, having its own perks as does marriage and motherhood. There are pros and cons to every state of life. Husbands come in pretty handy when work life gets tough or you need a foot rub or a cinema buddy. Single women can wake up and jump on a plane and just go - no worries about babysitters, husbands etc.

It works both ways. So I denounce the question mark in the caption. Single and Fabulous?? Of course! Single and Fabulous!

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