Transportation Diva - That's Me

Maxi taxis - not fun!

Trinidad has a chronic traffic problem. When my daily life was more heels than flip flops, aka, when I was employed and part of the corporate rat race, I would be forced to wake up at ungodly hours (3.30am!) to get ready to hit the highway and avoid the morning frustration known as bumper to bumper traffic. If you were to ask me what I valued most, after the requisite family and friends answer, it would have been my car. This can explain the reason the roads are just oversubscribed by private motorists cause I suspect many people feel the same way. Why? Public transportation sucks.

I am not a fan of public transportation. In London, it is better than many places but still, I leave early to avoid what I call the armpit crush of London, i.e. having to stand on a crammed train with someone's armpit against my face, or if I am lucky to have gotten a seat, having to sit with someone's ass against my face.

Public transportation on my little rock though - abysmal. For most of the mini-vacation, I have had use of a car to go on my adventures, but I have had the moments of madness where I had to brave the streets by hand, i.e. sticking my hand out to flag down a taxi or maxi.

Last Sunday, I decided to exercise my rights as a poor student and refuse to fork out the ghastly $345 fare from Piarco to home. Instead I chose to maxi/taxi it all the way home - a ride that involved 2 taxis and 2 maxis. First, it was the maxi ride from Arouca with the driver who probably never heard of Colgate, flossing or mouth wash and who clearly did not realise that his breath was so heinous that my Japanese titanium glasses frames almost melted everytime he opened his mouth. This dude kept talking and talking and my eyes kept watering. Then there was the taxi ride from Curepe to San Fernando where this swami looking character or as he called himself, a spiritual counsellor, decided he would pass out flyers promoting his services as a counsellor to the soul. Nothing wrong with that. What I did not appreciate was him putting his hand in my handbag as he tried to push this flyer into my bag, and maybe help himself to some money (?). Needless to say, I did not use swami like language to make my point that he needed to not be all up in mih so and so bag!

Friday was the worst as I decided I would take the public bus home and everytime I asked the bus terminal attendant for an ETA on my bus, he responded "5 minutes babes...5 minutes". It was the longest 5 minutes of my life and after an hour I still saw no bus and was forced to pocket my ticket and walk to the taxi stand. That was another drama cause by this time I am fuming and brother man decides to take a back road, pick up some woman with bundles that could not fit in the truck thus displacing me from my comfy seat in the back and asking me to sit next to Mr Not-so-Delicious in the front. Then the smells from the man in the maxi from San Fernando to home.

Yesterday was another winner as I got a taxi driver who clearly thinks he is God's gift to women - greasy face, body odour and all. Just a side note: Trinidad is a damn hot place and being a taxi driver is bound to be a heated experience. Please...invest in a tried and tested roll on, and some mouthwash for good measure. And also wash your clothes after one wash - dried sweat smells, okay?

Anyway, he decides to make some phone calls, despite the fact that it is illegal to drive and talk on the phone, especially when going at least 40km over the speed limit. The first call went something like this:

Wha yuh cook?...Nutten?...I doh wanna buy food. I fed up eat Chinee food and roti. I passin' just now. Make sure it have food there when I pass.

What a charmer. But then he makes another call, to another woman. Trust me when I say the fact that he even had ONE woman was shocking to me, but two???

Babes, I brokes. Buy a phone card for mih nah. A Digi....What? Yuh cyah do that for your man? $10? That cyah call nobody! Buy it and text mih the number, right? .... Yeah, yuh know I love yuh.

Knight in shining armour! And all this time his eyes are sometimes on the road and sometimes on the chest of the cute lady in pink in the front passenger seat. I also had to ensure I had the exact fare cause he kept picking his nose and I did not want to hand him a $10 bill and have him finger my change with that hand, so I dug around desperately praying I had the $7 I needed to escape that fate.

Private transportation also has its own challenges as I learnt last night when we were locked out of the car and had to call the troops and enlist the assistance of strange men to assist. However, being the germophobe, hygiene anal diva that I am, it beats any challenge public transportation can ever hope to offer. If hating the smells and sounds of public transportation make me some kind of diva, then I am a rabid, ball busting diva!

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Rain, Traffic and Taxi - Lethal Combo

When it's raining, there is traffic and you have to take public transportation, you know it's going to be a bad day.

Today was my first day in a long time not sitting behind the wheel of a car. Having sold my car, my last 2 days at work will mean I have to bus it or taxi it. This morning was horrendous. Just horrendous!

First I got a taxi from my town to the city. It would usually take approximately 18-22 minutes. It took 8. This man had zero consideration for my safety. I don't care if he wants to die, but being so close to something I have been looking forward to for so long, I did not want to end it now. Eight minutes later I crossed myself and said never again. Additionally, why do I always get a taxi where at least one person smells like old gym socks? He is on a roll with the prizes this morning, because the driver was REAL frowsy smelling. When I first sat in the car, I smelled baby powder from the woman in the front seat, Curve from Indian fella next to me, and add my Heat by Beyonce and things were shaping up nicely in the aroma department. Then the driver entered the car and it all went downhill from there. I don't think he has washed that t-shirt in years, but wow...he was really frowsy. If he has a wife, shame on her for sending her man out smelling like a bag of old clothes.

Of course there is also always some ass who has ZERO consideration for the fact that I took some time to try to make my must-visit-salon hair neat and presentable. This prize goes to the clown (the Curve fella) on my right who rolled the window down and the 4am breeze threatened to whip my hair into a frenzy but while I was probably prepared to crash due to the Mach 10 driving, I was not willing to have f...d up hair, so I had a word with him and the window went up. Priorities.

So now I needed to get a taxi to Port of Spain and before I could close the car door, the North-South vultures all swooped down on me and my $15. I saw one guy, sniffed him out, scoped out his taxi and then had a stern word with him.

Me: Driver, I just want to tell you right now, I cannot handle any speeding eh.
Driver: Nah. Yuh safe
Me: I safe? Doh be mamaguying me for my $15 you know. If I feel like you're going too fast, I will not be paying eh.
Driver: Nah darling, yuh good. Just tap me on my shoulder if you feel I going too fast for you.
Me: Because I have plenty to live for. I have a lil nephew I want to see get married and ting.
Driver: Oh gosh darling, why you hadda talk so?
Me: Because the man I just came up with clearly did not appreciate my life
Driver: Come come. You safe with me.

Needless to say, when I sat down in the very clean, fresh smelling taxi, and heard the gospel music and the sermon on the radio, I said, this man will not lie to me. And he had not. He handled himself and his taxi nicely along the wet roads, in the traffic. He did do some shoulder hogging but that is expected but my life was not in any danger, at least not from him. Maybe from the guy snoring like a garbage truck crusher next to me, but not from high speed drama. When we got to POS, I thanked him for his consideration and he told me come again. lol.

Little does he know that if I have to sell my body to ensure I have a car when I come back home to avoid ever having to do this again, I will.

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